i think the reason i cry, more often than not, is the fact that i am a raging jealous bitch. living the lifestyle i live is great, it's wonderful, it's fun, and it's what i think i need right now. THINK.
and then there's the other part of me that looks on everyone's facebook and sees pictures of their husbands and their kids, and then i just become so overwhelmed that i can literally do nothing but cry and feel sorry for myself. is it wrong to want a husband and a family that much? i feel like, mine sucks. there should be nothing stopping me at the age of 22 from starting one of my own, except i'm either not good enough for anyone or my standards are too high. although, considering the astronomical amount of males i have gotten to experience throughout the last few years of my life, and the levels of bullshit and douchebaggery i have had to put up with, i feel like if anyone in the world is allowed to have ridiculously high standards, it's me. man, either i'm really high so i'm over-analyzing all of this and making realizations that really mean nothing, OR this actually is a fucked up, vicious little cycle i've gotten myself into, isn't it?
lots of sex < lots of bad experiences < super high standards < alone
man, fuck my life.
i don't even know what i want anymore.
-MH
and then there's the other part of me that looks on everyone's facebook and sees pictures of their husbands and their kids, and then i just become so overwhelmed that i can literally do nothing but cry and feel sorry for myself. is it wrong to want a husband and a family that much? i feel like, mine sucks. there should be nothing stopping me at the age of 22 from starting one of my own, except i'm either not good enough for anyone or my standards are too high. although, considering the astronomical amount of males i have gotten to experience throughout the last few years of my life, and the levels of bullshit and douchebaggery i have had to put up with, i feel like if anyone in the world is allowed to have ridiculously high standards, it's me. man, either i'm really high so i'm over-analyzing all of this and making realizations that really mean nothing, OR this actually is a fucked up, vicious little cycle i've gotten myself into, isn't it?
lots of sex < lots of bad experiences < super high standards < alone
man, fuck my life.
i don't even know what i want anymore.
-MH
Mata Hari,
ReplyDeletetrust me your 20's are the fun time in your life..enjoy your freedom while you can...protect yourself and always use condoms.
Star thinking about family when you're 30 and have experienced some life on your own. I think you're wise not to get tied down in an exclusive relationship.